Belonging

As I was driving across town Tuesday morning I passed by my normal bunch of schools, elementary, high school, college and university. This is a very well-educated community I have. And I’m thinking of all those hundreds, thousands of people looking for the place they belong. Some are searching class lists posted on a bulletin board; some will have schedule in hand and will be approaching a room expecting to be welcomed, to find a seat, to locate someone already known.

“Is this where I belong?”

“Can I find my place here?”

“Will these people let me into this group?”

It’s a normal, human need – to find a place to belong.

We speak of belonging in church too. Some of the terms we use are “hospitality” and “community” and “relationship.” There was a time when we spoke of belief in the same context as we spoke of belonging. Phyllis Tickle (in her book "The Great Emergence") speaks of how the church has changed. Fifty years ago we found people who believed the same way and, after the prescribed time and rituals, we joined up and then we belonged. More commonly we were born into a congregation, grew up being taught the “correct” set of beliefs, conformed to the expected behaviours and at the appropriate age we joined; but really, we already belonged.

Not so in the twenty-first century says Tickle (and many others who observe the same patterns). People on the move long for a place to belong, to feel at home, to be accepted and loved. As they come into the community and observe how this group behaves, how its values are expressed, they may or may not find common beliefs. In fact one thing that communities do is talk together about those values. They may search out beliefs together. They may believe the same or they may not.

I spoke recently about expectations. We can’t expect, or assume, that everyone in our community will believe exactly the same. We won’t all have the same history or understanding. One of the things that will make our community feel safe is our willingness to accept people’s doubts and questions and struggle with belief. I’m much more likely to feel like I belong if you work with me as I struggle with my “unbelief”!

What do you think? Do you agree with Phyllis Tickle’s analysis? Which order of things resonates best for you: Believe, Behave, Belong? or Belong, Behave, Believe?

Posted by Marion

Culture

Let’s talk about culture. Not culture in the sense of elite, hoity-toity, ballet and opera culture, but culture in the sense of “how we do things around here.” There are just so many ways culture impacts me and us and doing business that I think we need to chat about it a little. OK?

There’s culture in a very big way. We speak of our “Western culture.” That’s a very broad brush that might mean rational, or scientific, or capitalist, or individual (to the point of ego-centric). All those things can be gathered up and tossed into a single box labeled “culture.”

The church has a culture too. In your Sharing in Community of Christ booklet, you’ll definitely find some things that are part of our culture. Some things connect us with folks from the other side of the globe, who are different and yet in some special ways the same.

Some things we do and perspectives we hold just because we are Canadian. I could list a few of those national cultural things, but you know them and I don’t have the space. Mainly because I want to talk about the much smaller definitions of culture that have impact way beyond the size of them!

There’s family culture. My family has one and so does yours. Attitudes and practices and stories are very particular to our family. There are things we say to each other that we alone understand. How we do the dishes or who gets the last piece of pie or what time is bedtime all get determined by our family culture.

Congregations have culture. Oh my! This is a big one. Just as it is difficult for the fish to discuss the water they’re swimming in, it can be just oh so hard for us to be aware of our congregation’s culture or to consider ways it may be creating problems for us, for each other and, in a very big way, for our visitors. Some of the ways our congregational cultures differ are just fun. It really doesn’t matter who leads the way in line at the potluck. Maybe it’s the children (feed the kids first and get them settled and out of the way of the adults…) or the guest ministry (because after all you are the honoured guest and should go first…) or families stay together (so parents can monitor the kids’ plates and ensure there is still enough for everyone….). I’m sure someone, sometime had good reasons for offering the prayer over the offering before it’s collected just as someone else understands very clearly why the prayer should come after it’s collected.

Those of us who routinely visit many congregations observe these peculiarities of culture much more than those of you who live in the midst of them. After all, the fish don’t notice the water. Until, or unless something stirs it up! Can we please think about our own special cultural distinctives for a bit? Because it’s not thinking about them that can create problems for us and make us feel inhospitable to visitors.

What have you noticed about culture?

Posted by Marion

Staycation

It really is a genuine word. In the dictionary and everything. Even though it’s not been around very long. According to our good friends at Wikipedia the word was first coined on that great Canadian tv show “Corner Gas” in 2005 and was taken officially into the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary in 2009! Once again, Canadian comics impact the universe.

Staycations grew out of major economic problems, low monetary rates, high gas prices. It just got too expensive to travel for holidays and families en masse were deciding to just stay home and take advantage of the attractions in their own backyards.

So what’s the difference, some may ask, between this staycation and just hanging around home being bored because you can’t afford to take a real vacation? And the answer, of course, is attitude, That and intention. If you just sit on the couch and feel deprived, it isn’t a real staycation at all. You must make a plan, whether it’s to put your picnic lunch in a basket and take it to the park on the corner, or you decide to spend the whole day blowing bubbles in the wading pool in your own backyard, your holiday attitude makes all the difference. Put on your sun hats and your sun screen, pack sandwiches and juice boxes in your back pack and hike to the municipal museum. It’s only twelve blocks and you’ve never been there!

See what I mean?

It’s quite similar to our conversation the other day about “Ordinary time.”

You could feel sorry that you couldn’t get the time off to go to reunion this summer (because that’s where all the really spiritual stuff happens) or you could strike up a conversation with that person who always seems to be sitting alone in the coffee shop. Maybe they need a friend. Could be they’re new in the neighbourhood and hoping to meet somebody too. Look around and really see who needs a friendly connection.

What might you do to be intentional about your discipleship during this ordinary, stay at home time? What’s going on right there in your own neighbourhood that needs some attention? Can you see anyone already working to abolish poverty and end suffering? What peace and justice projects are happening right there in your community that need you to pitch in? Human need doesn’t take a vacation.

Too often, I think, we wish someone else would come along. We long for more active young adults to turn up on our congregation or community. We think we should invite the apostle or the seventy to visit us and “turn things around” in our struggling congregation. Heaven forbid we’re waiting for fall when congregational life cranks back into action.

I’m suggesting we put on a good positive “staycation outlook” and start making things happen ourselves. After all, we already live here. Let’s exercise our initiative and get things growing. It’s the green season!

Posted by Marion

Lunch

Thinking about the Top 10 blog posts I discovered that a word that's appeared multiple times already is lunch! What's that all about anyway?

Yesterday I talked to you about dinner, and it's true, I have been thinking about how our dinner practices shape us, what our potlucks say about us. How do we share our values and our identities at dinner? I'll think on this further I'm sure.

But for today, this last day of the year, I'm back with some of the important concepts I've considered as much or more than any other in the year 2010! Who knew? Lunch!

Over this holiday season I've had the great opportunity to have lunch with some special friends. What a good chance to stay in touch, to see what's happening in lives we care about but don't often take the time to hear about. Oh, we ask--and really mean it--but the responses to "how are you and how's the family?" still most likely evoke the quick answer, the automatic "Fine!"

It takes a slower time together, an hour or two across the lunch table to help you both feel encouraged to share the longer story. If we really want to nurture those deeper relationships, the friendships that will endure, we need to give them some time. And for my money, lunch time works just fine.

One of my friends in particular is very much a "lunch friend." While we may not speak in person for months at a time, we can pick right up where we left off and spend three or four hours at lunch every several months and continue to be the best of friends.

My New Year's resolution this year is not terribly profound. For this year of 2011, the year in which I shall truly retire, my resolve is to do more lunches! Maybe this shall also be part of my retirement practice. I know how important it is to keep these important connections with people I care about. So I shall be doing lunch more often. My list of lunch friends is about to grow longer.

Give me a call sometime; let's do lunch.

Posted by Marion

Together

The last of the summer camps is behind us. I am always amused as each event ends there is a rash of new facebook friends. "Kris is friends with Joni and Albert and Wally and Denise and Sandra" proclaims my news feed. And this is good. I very much favour connecting this way.

It's wonderful to be able to chat with my CPI colleagues, to receive email updates on the comings and goings of work friends, even aquaintances I see only at World Conference, to get the latest update on the social activism in my Peace & Justice monthly newsletter. Connections are great and truly do build relationships deeper and wider.

But there's really nothing exaclty like being together, is there? Our Fired Up! leadership team met last evening at a local coffee shop for a couple of great hours of checking in, making plans, visiting about summer happenings, new relationships, new houses, new babies. Some of the facts we already knew. There's just something better about seeing each other, sharing hugs, spilling coffee on each other, propping up a wobbly table, that make it all so much richer.

Members of congregations are experiencing the same thing. As fall approaches (sorry about that) summer trips are over, camping done, school is looming, we're getting back together once more. Many plans are forming and many of those plans focus on ways to get together with new and old friends. Some of these plans are formal. Family and Friends of Erie Beach will be spending one more weekend together September 10-12. Fired Up! will be calling folks together, old friends and new, for some upcoming ministries of service. (You'll be hearing from them soon.)

We've been blogging recently about reasons to come to church, or not. That's a very complex issue, with many perspectives. But surely one of the reasons is that human beings need to be together to keep those relationships strong. Families need to make those long drives, or troublesome flights or whatever, because sometimes you just need to get together!

Connections are essential. I love my facebook friends, Google groups, email lists and I hope you take every advantage they offer. But after last night, drinking coffee with my friends, I remembered that it's very, very important to be together in the same physical space.

Posted by Marion

Ice Cream

On Civic Holiday, Joan and I took the opportunity to go to Westfield Heritage Village with two of our grandsons; Aidan,age five, and Wyatt, age three, along with their Dad.

Westfield is a pioneer village in the Rockton area which is dedicated to teaching, by demonstration, how the pioneers lived and worked. The Civic Holiday weekend is the occasion of the annual Ice Cream festival. Given that it was close and would involve only a short car ride, it seemed like a perfect holiday outing. I learned a lot from this outing, and thought I might share some of my new understanding with you. Discerning what each of these lessons actually mean will probably take a little longer.

1. For a five year old, having a ride in a horse-drawn wagon is a lot more fun when you don’t have to wait in line.
2. Learning about weaving cloth on a barn loom is of practically no interest to a five year old boy, and being told that his great, great, great, great, grandfather was a weaver means absolutely nothing at all.
3. Watching the blacksmith hammer a red-hot iron bar into a pointed hook is infinitely more interesting than hearing said smithy explain the process.
4. Seeing how ice cream was made in small batches by putting cream and sugar into a can, surrounding that can with ice and salt in a larger can, then shaking that can gently back and forth, is interesting and fun…to a point. The idea of doing that activity for half an hour is not. Moving up a few decades, making strawberry ice cream in slightly larger batches using a hand-cranked ice cream church is also somewhat interesting, but the only part that really matters is tasting the final product.
5. Lemon Sorbet is much more interesting than plain ice cream, or even strawberry.
6. Tasting the quickly melting hand-made ice cream on the end of the wooden, teaspoon sized tasting stick is fine, but in the end, not very satisfying. Enough with the little tastes already! Can’t we just go back to the kiosk by the entrance where they sell the “real ice cream”! Real ice cream, I discovered, is already made by Bryers and fills a big cone!
7. The most interesting part of a steam locomotive is not the engine but the only part you are actually allowed to climb on; the caboose.
8. If you have been patient and are finally going to have fresh made caramel corn, having a small bag of your own that you can actually have in your hand is much better than having a huge bag to take home and share with everyone.
9. Even in a 19th century school house, teachers are teachers, and teachers think you should be able to do things for yourself, especially if you are five.
10. It is easier to be patient in order to have another ride in the horse-drawn wagon when it is closer to the end of the day and you are getting a little tired. It also helps that there are now more horses and wagons, and you may be able to ride in a different one this time.
    

Somewhere in the above list of observations, I am quite confident there are important life-lessons, even though I am not yet sure what they are. Perhaps you can see them. If not, maybe we each just need a big bowl of ice cream to help us figure them out. Enjoy!

Posted by Carman

Lunch

Today I think I shall go for lunch with some friends in a small congregation group where I've had a long-time relationship. We've been through thick and thin together and just now there's a recognition of a need to just get together and have lunch.

This group and I have done lots of things together; we've had workshops, planning sessions, strategy meetings, visioning sessions. We've backed up and started over. We've taken time off and just rested. There has been healing and calling and studying and playing together.

But, you know, sometimes the best thing to do is just lunch. I'm very glad my "job" allows me enough freedom to go for lunch when that's the best thing to do. In fact, I have no trouble at all describing what I'm doing today as a big part of that "job." How much of your job relies on the strength of your relationships? I suspect a big part of it, if you're honest about it.

I hope I always remember that very, very often, the most important thing to do to move forward with whatever plans, visions, strategies, need to be moved forward is to pause along the way and work on the relationships. Just do lunch.

Have a good day, dear readers. And if you get my answering machine (should you happen to call) I'll be out--having lunch.

Posted by Marion

Reprint

I've been realizing of late that we've been doing this Blog for almost a year! Can you imagine? Who would have thought that there'd be this much to say for this many days and weeks and months. In my reminiscing, I've gone back to take a look at some of those early postings. Here's one you might have missed that still has something to say today. The good word? From last summer...
"Minute"

...as in "it only takes a minute."

I can't tell you how many people have said to me "I intend to read your blog but I just haven't had the time. " Unfortunately those folks aren't here reading this rant -- because they don't have time!

But seriously, how many things do we put off that really would ONLY TAKE A MINUTE but we use the excuse to ourselves that we don't have the time? I know there are phone calls I need to make, addresses I need to locate, questions I need to ask...but for whatever genuine reason I haven't done.

Maybe I really don't want to talk to that person, or maybe I feel guilty that I've let it go this long, or maybe I think I'll hear something I don't want to hear.

But those are the things that kill relationships. They're indications of lack of trust or of a willingness to "disconnect." If we really want to be about building community and creating right relationships, then we need to challenge ourselves when we avoid doing some of the things that "would only take a minute" but that may indeed take a whole lifetime of being hooked into a true community.

And if you know someone who could use a minute of being connected to the rest of us--see if you can persuade them to check in here every day or so for a very quick read (I promise).

Posted by Marion

Calls

Last Friday in CEM, we released information about nine calls to senior priesthood ministry. That feels like and is a very significant development. It is even possible you might have heard about it or even read it in the bulletin at church last Sunday morning.

The announcement included calls for one Bishop, two Evangelists, and six High Priests. A list like that does not happen every day. I believe these calls will be a blessing to Community of Christ and to Canada East Mission for years to come.

Calls to Priesthood often seem shrouded in mystery and endowed with a sense of mystique. In a sense what is happening is a recognition by others that something important is happening in that person’s life and relationship with God. They have grown, and will continue to grow into a new area of ministry and service.

This understanding of calls to priesthood is not to deny the mystical element of searching out God’s call in a person’s life. That element is always present, and not just for priesthood. The quest for relationship with the Divine is so much a part of human experience that it is tempting to say, “That is what life is all about!” And perhaps it is.

We truly celebrate the lives of these nine outstanding ministers and their acceptance of the call of God in their lives. At the same time, I am mindful of the modern day scriptures that say, “All are called according to the gifts of God unto them.” (D. & C. 119:8b and 156:9b)

All are called.

All.

The Divine Presence reaches from within each of us and calls us to a closer relationship. For those of us who spend our lives seeking that closer walk, we can only respond, “Thank God!”

May you be blessed with awareness in your walk with the Divine Presence today.

Posted by Carman

Neighbours

Just wanted to let you know that I had a wonderful visit in Lowbanks and a great sunny sabbath weekend. Now I'm reflecting on some thoughts I'm having about the experience.

The little church was open and welcoming as I arrived with groups of (mostly) women gathered around here and there visiting about what a gorgeous day it was. Many arrived without coats and no one wore boots! Sky was sunny, air was warm and underfoot was dry, dry, dry.

Nine area churches--count 'em--nine! were represented and came prepared to share readings, prayers and singing together. The procession proceeded according to plan. Marlene, who was the coordinator was buzzing around making sure it all came together. And it did!

We expect even the reporter from the Dunnville Chronicle was impressed!

But clearly,one of the most enjoyable parts of the day was the time spent socializing, vistiting and sharing tea and goodies after the service. No need to convince or convert anyone at all. Just a time to recall old friends, common experiences (who walked farthest to school, whose family moved latest into the neighbourhood...). A great time to cement relationships, to remember that we all care about this community and can work to keep it vibrant.

Oh the thoughts about needs in the rest of the world were good and worthwhile too, but to my mind, the World Day of Prayer in Lowbanks today was more about neighbours next door than about neighbours around the world. And that's OK too.

Feathers

Clearly the angels have been shedding. As I walked into the fellowship hall the white tree in the corner had been well and truly trimmed by a team whose decorating principle is "fill every single inch with something bright and shiny."

The floor around was covered with white feather fluff. It trailed through the room into the next, up the stairs, into the sanctuary. Much angel activity has been going on as the children are getting ready for their roles in programs that will be unfolding over the next few weeks of Advent.

A couple of questions about the source of the "mess" were answered with a stern look and a clear message that there will be feathers where there are angels, and there are definitely angels present here. (The feathery wings lay on the table along with tinsel halos, several shepherd and wise man robes and a baby!)

That settled it. No more questions. Where there are angels there may indeed be "mess" but that's just the way it is.

It was part of the message of the morning as well. Although we are in the business of preparing the way, we still have issues of real life to deal with. We will still need to forgive each other, make way for one another, be patient with those whose perspective does not exactly match our own. We will need to come to the table, in repentance and seeking healing and reconciliation.

But other signs are also there. Jesus is coming. There are angels here. Ignore the stray feathers. With real life some feathers will be shed. At some point the vacuum will come out. But for now, sing Hallelujah! Make ready to receive Him.

Seed

Thanks to the great folks in St. Thomas last evening. It really was fun!

I'll let them share the stories as they emerge from our plans to sprout some new community relationships. They're off to plant and cultivate the seeds of an idea that's starting to swell there.

A couple of people at the meeting really latched onto this quotation:

Jesus said "Feed my sheep" not "Count my sheep."

Now, it's off to see which particular neighbourhood sheep and lambs need feeding. Stay tuned for more St. Thomas stories. The stories will be part of the harvest.

Purpose

An important question, often asked, sometimes unspoken is "What's it all for anyway?" "Why am I here?" "Why are we here?"

This, from Section 163, paragraph 2:

The restoring of persons to healthy or righteous relationships with God, others, themselves, and the earth is at the heart of the purpose of your journey of faith.

If you and I are working on those things, it's a good start.

Minute

...as in "it only takes a minute."

I can't tell you how many people have said to me "I intend to read your blog but I just haven't had the time. " Unfortunately those folks aren't here reading this rant -- because they don't have time!

But seriously, how many things do we put off that really would ONLY TAKE A MINUTE but we use the excuse to ourselves that we don't have the time? I know there are phone calls I need to make, addresses I need to locate, questions I need to ask...but for whatever genuine reason I haven't done.

Maybe I really don't want to talk to that person, or maybe I feel guilty that I've let it go this long, or maybe I think I'll hear something I don't want to hear.

But those are the things that kill relationships. They're indications of lack of trust or of a willingness to "disconnect." If we really want to be about building community and creating right relationships, then we need to challenge ourselves when we avoid doing some of the things that "would only take a minute" but that may indeed take a whole lifetime of being hooked into a true community.

And if you know someone who could use a minute of being connected to the rest of us--see if you can persuade them to check in here every day or so for a very quick read (I promise).